Santa Jokes new and old

Titanic was sinking.
An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!
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Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators.
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How did santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
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Santa: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
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Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It’s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.
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Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
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Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
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A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else? .
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An Englishman and santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
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Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
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Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.
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Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"
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Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
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Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
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Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
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